Special Feature: The Energy Trials

As you may have noticed, there's been a lull in posts here on Gum Alert for the last month or so.  We suck, and we're sorry.  I'm not going to bore you with excuses or tales of jobs/kids/classes, just know that we're aware of our suckage and are working towards fixing it.  Don't give up on us.  We love you. 
First order of business:  Congratulations to our 5 contest winners!  They have been emailed and prizes will go out soon.  Holla for: Harrison R., Julia B., Louis M., Andrew H., and Amy Beth M.!

Onward.

There's a new, somewhat disturbing trend in the gum world.  No longer is gum just a passive, habitual device.  Two major gum companies have recently released products that are supposed to energize/relax you as you chew.  Ditch your cocaine, dump your coffee, toss your booze... you can now get your uppers and downers in gum form!  What could be more convenient?

I try to say no to drugs, but as one of the original Gum Girls, I must soldier on and sample these... for science.

Let's start with Mentos. 

New to their UP2U line, Mentos' energy gum comes in the form of Chillax Mint and Energy Strike. 

Upper: The package claims, and the ingredients list does confirm, that the Energy Stike flavor contains caffeine.  However, it doesn't list how much, and I can't find that information anywhere.  It's in the section of the ingredients under "Less than 2%," if that's worth anything.  Thing is?  Lots of stuff has caffeine.  Decaf coffee has caffeine.   Chocolate milk has caffeine.  Those things aren't going to keep you up at night, though, and neither is this gum.  I popped a piece of it this morning before drinking my coffee to see if it would have an effect, and after 15 minutes of chewing, my cranky pre-coffee attitude won out, and I spit out the gum and sucked down the lifejuice.  The gum itself?  Nothing to write home about.  The flavor is reminiscent of the weird Stride Shift - a citrus blast followed by a strange mintiness.  Whatever the flavor is, it runs out fast and you're left with a weird, bitter taste in your mouth.  Texture is a big fail, too - starts out alright, but quickly turns uncomfortably mushy.  I'll rate this oo (two gumballs).

Downer: Mentos doesn't call out any ingredient on their packaging for Chillax Mint, but the ingredients list does have chamomille extract.  Chamomille... that's a thing, right?  Like a tea?  Again, it's listed in the "Less than 2%" subcategory so I doubt that it's actually doing anything to chillax the chewer.  The gum's alright, though.  It has crunchy crystals to start the chew, and I am a fan of crunchy crystals.  It's a decent enough mint but nothing to raise a flag over, and it's got a similar texture problem as Energy Strike.  Too mushy.  ooo (three gumballs).

On to the 5 RPM varieties.

Upper:  One of the reasons of the aforementioned Gum Girl suckage, is that I keep saying to myself that the "next gum I'm going to review is going to be 5 RPM Fruit." Problem is, I keep buying packs of it, and they keep disappearing before I get a chance to review it.  I've even bought two at a time, knowing I'd go through one, and three days later I have no more 5 RPM Fruit.

Yeah, this is one of those gums.  It's awesome.  The flavor explodes in your mouth with juicy, fruity goodness, settles down nicely, and lasts a crazy awesome long time.  The texture is perfect for me -- it's a tad on the firm side on the outset but softens to an amazingly crackable, bubble-blowable consistency.  Very well done.

I can't really say that it has any energizing properties.  Folks are my work are just ga-ga over it.  They all think it's magical.  One guy says he can't chew it because he has a heart problem or something, and it makes his problem act up.  Thing is, there's nothing in ther ingredients list that's out of the ordinary.  Standard gum base, flavors, sweeteners and preservatives.  There's no caffeine, no taurine... nothing.  I don't drink energy drinks, so I can't say this for certain, but I've been told that this gum tastes just like Red Bull.  I'm going to have to say that for that reason, and for that reason alone, 5 calls this "energizing."  I've gone through a pack in one afternoon and have felt no energizing effects.

Behold the carnage of this blog post.

Regardless of that, and regardless of my disdain of the 5 line as a whole, I'm gonna give 5 RPM Fruit ooooo (five gumballs).  Five big, juicy, awesome gumballs.

Downer:  5 RPM Mint is touted as a "relaxing mint flavor."  Again, nothing in the ingredients stands out as relaxing.  No chamomille as in the Mentos Chillax, no THC, no ketamine.  It's basically just a peppermint gum.  Which I guess makes sense, in a chamomille kind of way, because peppermint tea is a relaxer.  So, the flavor's okay, texture is alright.  It's nice and smooth, but slightly too soft to do anything with.  It's just a gum, nothing special, and certainly not one I'd reach for on the check-out line over another mint option. ooo (three gumballs)

Conclusion: It's just gum, guys.

Special Feature: The Bubble Trials

Christopher, A friend of GumAlert, alerted us to the fact that although we've reviewed multiple bubblegums, we rarely touch upon the bubble-blowing qualities of the gum. This is an element that we've absolutely neglected, so I've gone out and bought a variety of sugarless bubblegums to compare.

In this special post, I'll be comparing the bubbles blown by six different brands of sugarfree bubblegum: Bubblegum Trident, Stride Uber Bubble, Extra Classic Bubble, Orbit Bubblemint, Wrigley 5 Zing, and the yet-to-be-reviewed Sugarfree Bubble Yum.

Bubblegum Trident
In my initial review of Bubblegum Trident, I noted that this "might as well be a chewing gum." This description still fits. When you first start chewing Bubblegum Trident, the consistency is really hard, and the bubbles are small and thick. After you chew for about 5 - 10 minutes, the texture of the gum softens and the bubbles increase in size but remain a hard, thick, almost latex balloon consistency. However, the bubble pops and you're right back to a hard wad. Makes my teeth hurt, in fact.
oo (two bubbles)

Stride Uber Bubble
This one is also tough to chew, and it has a slightly grainy consistency that makes blowing bubbles near impossible. You can barely spread the gum around your tongue before it forms tiny little holes in it. I chewed it for about 15 minutes and it stayed way too firm.
o (one bubble)

Extra Classic Bubble
"Made With Real Bubbles" is printed on the inside of the packaging, and that's pretty gross if you stop and really think about it. Anyway, this one is a much softer gum when you first bite into it, but again, it firms up to the point where I worry about my dental work. I had such high hopes for the bubble potential when I first started chewing it, but I was quickly disappointed. I think I blew about 3 bubbles before my jaw started to hurt and I gave up.
o (one bubble)

Orbit Bubblemint
Still hard to chew, but definitely easier to spread. Bubbles are decent, but get thin and pop really quickly, and are really sticky. Since it's technically supposed to be a bubble-mint hybrid, if you blow a big bubble that doesn't pop and try to "suck" the bubble back into your mouth, your sinuses are blasted with mintyness. Similarly, if you pop a bubble just right and the air blows into your eye, it stings quite a bit.
oo (two bubbles)

Wrigley's 5 Zing
This gum fools you into thinking you're going to get great big awesome bubbles, but they fall short every time, popping with a loud, disappointing SNAP when you just start to fill them up with air. Also very sticky.
o (one bubble)

Bubble Yum Sugarfree
Bubble Yum is one of the main sugared bubblegums, so they know what's what when it comes to bubbles. However, once again the bubbles are sub-par. This gum has the opposite problem of the others: it's too soft. I feel like it might blow a decent enough bubble, but it wants to slide right off your tongue with the slightest pressure from the air.
oo (two bubbles)

Conclusion
Now that I've chewed enough xylitol in one sitting to make me nauseous, I think I can say with some certainty that sugarless bubblegum is more about the flavor of bubblegum, and less about the actual blowing of bubbles. If you're in a bubble-blowing mood, you gotta bite the bullet and risk a cavity and pick up a pack of Big League Chew or Bubble Tape.