Special Feature: The Energy Trials

As you may have noticed, there's been a lull in posts here on Gum Alert for the last month or so.  We suck, and we're sorry.  I'm not going to bore you with excuses or tales of jobs/kids/classes, just know that we're aware of our suckage and are working towards fixing it.  Don't give up on us.  We love you. 
First order of business:  Congratulations to our 5 contest winners!  They have been emailed and prizes will go out soon.  Holla for: Harrison R., Julia B., Louis M., Andrew H., and Amy Beth M.!

Onward.

There's a new, somewhat disturbing trend in the gum world.  No longer is gum just a passive, habitual device.  Two major gum companies have recently released products that are supposed to energize/relax you as you chew.  Ditch your cocaine, dump your coffee, toss your booze... you can now get your uppers and downers in gum form!  What could be more convenient?

I try to say no to drugs, but as one of the original Gum Girls, I must soldier on and sample these... for science.

Let's start with Mentos. 

New to their UP2U line, Mentos' energy gum comes in the form of Chillax Mint and Energy Strike. 

Upper: The package claims, and the ingredients list does confirm, that the Energy Stike flavor contains caffeine.  However, it doesn't list how much, and I can't find that information anywhere.  It's in the section of the ingredients under "Less than 2%," if that's worth anything.  Thing is?  Lots of stuff has caffeine.  Decaf coffee has caffeine.   Chocolate milk has caffeine.  Those things aren't going to keep you up at night, though, and neither is this gum.  I popped a piece of it this morning before drinking my coffee to see if it would have an effect, and after 15 minutes of chewing, my cranky pre-coffee attitude won out, and I spit out the gum and sucked down the lifejuice.  The gum itself?  Nothing to write home about.  The flavor is reminiscent of the weird Stride Shift - a citrus blast followed by a strange mintiness.  Whatever the flavor is, it runs out fast and you're left with a weird, bitter taste in your mouth.  Texture is a big fail, too - starts out alright, but quickly turns uncomfortably mushy.  I'll rate this oo (two gumballs).

Downer: Mentos doesn't call out any ingredient on their packaging for Chillax Mint, but the ingredients list does have chamomille extract.  Chamomille... that's a thing, right?  Like a tea?  Again, it's listed in the "Less than 2%" subcategory so I doubt that it's actually doing anything to chillax the chewer.  The gum's alright, though.  It has crunchy crystals to start the chew, and I am a fan of crunchy crystals.  It's a decent enough mint but nothing to raise a flag over, and it's got a similar texture problem as Energy Strike.  Too mushy.  ooo (three gumballs).

On to the 5 RPM varieties.

Upper:  One of the reasons of the aforementioned Gum Girl suckage, is that I keep saying to myself that the "next gum I'm going to review is going to be 5 RPM Fruit." Problem is, I keep buying packs of it, and they keep disappearing before I get a chance to review it.  I've even bought two at a time, knowing I'd go through one, and three days later I have no more 5 RPM Fruit.

Yeah, this is one of those gums.  It's awesome.  The flavor explodes in your mouth with juicy, fruity goodness, settles down nicely, and lasts a crazy awesome long time.  The texture is perfect for me -- it's a tad on the firm side on the outset but softens to an amazingly crackable, bubble-blowable consistency.  Very well done.

I can't really say that it has any energizing properties.  Folks are my work are just ga-ga over it.  They all think it's magical.  One guy says he can't chew it because he has a heart problem or something, and it makes his problem act up.  Thing is, there's nothing in ther ingredients list that's out of the ordinary.  Standard gum base, flavors, sweeteners and preservatives.  There's no caffeine, no taurine... nothing.  I don't drink energy drinks, so I can't say this for certain, but I've been told that this gum tastes just like Red Bull.  I'm going to have to say that for that reason, and for that reason alone, 5 calls this "energizing."  I've gone through a pack in one afternoon and have felt no energizing effects.

Behold the carnage of this blog post.

Regardless of that, and regardless of my disdain of the 5 line as a whole, I'm gonna give 5 RPM Fruit ooooo (five gumballs).  Five big, juicy, awesome gumballs.

Downer:  5 RPM Mint is touted as a "relaxing mint flavor."  Again, nothing in the ingredients stands out as relaxing.  No chamomille as in the Mentos Chillax, no THC, no ketamine.  It's basically just a peppermint gum.  Which I guess makes sense, in a chamomille kind of way, because peppermint tea is a relaxer.  So, the flavor's okay, texture is alright.  It's nice and smooth, but slightly too soft to do anything with.  It's just a gum, nothing special, and certainly not one I'd reach for on the check-out line over another mint option. ooo (three gumballs)

Conclusion: It's just gum, guys.

Orbit Fruit Punch

Flavor: Well, you missed the boat on your "Mystery Flavor" with this one, Orbit. Because... I don't know what the heck this is supposed to be, but it sure isn't any fruit punch I've ever had before. When you name a candy or a gum "fruit punch," as with all common flavors, there are certain expectations your audience is going to have about what it's supposed to taste like. Fruit punch, real fruit punch, can I guess be pretty much anything-- orange + cranberry + ruby red grapefruit maybe (oo, throw a little rum in there while you're at it...), but when we're talking about the standard fruit punch flavor, it's a very specific taste we're talking about. I hated fruit punch flavor growing up, from Ssips to special edition Starburst, but I know a whole lot of people who really love it, and they would be totally disappointed in this gum. Standard fruit punch flavor is not easy to describe, sort of wild, lots of cherry in there and sugar, maybe some citrus undertones, a round fruity finish. This gum, however, is easy to describe: It doesn't taste like anything. It's just sort of... sweet. And it's cold, it has that minty cold sensation, although it doesn't even tout some kind of mint variety on it, like their other strange combos, "Citrus Mint," "Raspberry Mint." Blech.

Texture: What's going on, Orbit? Are you feeling all right? Because you're just not performing up to par these days, and you're a real go-getter, a real champ in the gum world. This gum is too tough, creates a foam in your teeth, and-- unheard of for Orbit-- this gum has a dull squeak to it.

Presentation: Fashion pack, smashion pack. This gum is just kind of lame.

Overall: I'm disappointed in you, Orbit. We've had such wonderful times together, and I'm afraid I'm beginning to become skeptical of your... experimentation with new flavors. Take some time off. Relax. Then get back to work, and make your fans proud.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Nerds Gumballs

Flavor: I only chewed the red one and the purple one, because I don't think my teeth could handle 5 gumballs in rapid succession. Everyone knows what a gumball tastes like. Super super sugary with very little actual "flavor." The red one has a slight cherry taste, while the purple one is somewhat grapey. The nerds do very little to enhance the flavor...

Texture: However, the nerds add a cute little crunch to the first few chews. They dissolve quickly, and the remaining gum is really hard and tough, like any gumball. You can get a decent bubble, but when it pops it sticks to your lips, skin, everything. Meh.

Presentation: 5 gumballs in a plastic pouch, nothing too crazy in the way of graphics, a couple cute Nerd-guys hanging out, but otherwise, it's pretty plain.

Overall: Pretty much the only redeeming quality about this gum is the first couple of chews, but once the nerds dissolve, it's just a gumball.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

5 React2 - Mint

Flavor: Although Wrigley's would like you to believe that this is some life-changing, personalized gum-chewing experience, it's just mint. Undefinable, even - there's no definite type of mint, here... nary a pepper- or spear- or even winter. Just. Mint. And it's a very, very mild mint, at that. I'm chewing it right now, and I can still taste the Cheddar Horseradish Kettle Chips I ate an hour ago. If that's your thing, you'll enjoy this, but I prefer a cooler, crisper, more refreshing blast of flavor in my mints.

Texture: Unspectacular. Way too soft - little strings of it get stuck in my dental work, and weirdly bumpy. When I took it out of my mouth to investigate the bumps, and stretched it between my fingers there were all kinds of little white flaky gobs in it. What the hell is that? It's gross. I guess the gobbies might go away with prolonged chewing, but I don't know what would define "prolonged" as I've chewed for 15 minutes or longer and they were still there, in some form.

Presentation: I always love 5 packages. Sleek and awesome-looking. A long time ago, back when the React line was first released, a fan wrote to us to tell us that the little thumb-print on the back of the pack changed colors like a mood ring. I never shared that little tidbit because I could never get it to happen. Either 5 slowly rolled out the mood packages, or my fingers were always too frigid (which is entirely possible). But check it out - the package totally changes color!

Other than the cool packaging, I just don't know about this. The gum itself remains a weird black color, which is just unsettling. Why black?

Overall: I dunno, I guess as a gum this is alright. It's certainly nothing special, despite the cool packaging. I'm still mad at 5 for this whole React thing, and now they've gone and slapped a "2" on the package and want you to think that it's something entirely different. Well, here's the thing: It's not. It's the same mediocre crap with a "2" slapped on it. Well, React, here's your "2" slapped right back at ya:

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Wrigley's 5 Vortex

Flavor: vortex [ˈvɔːtɛks] n 1. (Physics / General Physics) a whirling mass or rotary motion in a liquid, gas, flame, etc., such as the spiralling movement of water around a whirlpool

2. any activity, situation, or way of life regarded as irresistibly engulfing. Um... guys? This gum is sour apple. I mean, I suppose the initial overwhelming flavor burst and permeating odor of this gum can be considered "irresistibly engulfing" (if you're into that sort of thing), but what the heck does it have to do with apples? Frankly, I'm getting a little tired of this whole 5 enterprise. At first, it was interesting, the flavors were sort of mysterious and fun, but now it seems like they're really stretching it. Call an apple an apple, man. Hubba Bubba would.

Texture: 5 always has a pretty good texture. But as long as the texture lasts, the flavor dissipates and you're left with this sort of cold blob floating around in your mouth making your breath stink. I've never really been a fan of green apple though, admittedly, so others might disagree on this point... but since elementary school, I've thought that green apple flavor gives you stank-breath.

Presentation: I just want to take a moment to talk about the new trend in gum to print all of the important nutritious information on the plastic outer covering of the packs of gum, which is removed upon consumption. In many cases this can be a problem-- what if you want to take a minute to look at the chemicals you're compulsively inserting into your mouth? Of course, most people refer to the nutrition labels only when purchasing a product, but I've found that on more than one occasion I've been faced with a predicament-- a vegetarian friend or one who's keeping Kosher will ask if my gum contains gelatin and I'll be unable to answer with confidence without running out to buy a fresh pack. I understand the aesthetic appeal of the clean "fashion pack" that's becoming so popular these days, but I think there's a value to including the information right where you can see it any time-- the Surgeon's General Warning on a pack of cigarettes, after all, is on the pack itself, not the plastic outer shell. Regardless, on this particular package, even the flavor itself is eliminated once the outer shell is removed. But then... the smell is so pungent that I doubt you'll ever be referring to the pack to tell you the whole room stinks like sour apple.

Overall: Elch. This is a successful sugar-free sour apple, but I can't imagine a set of adult taste buds out there that could endure this kind of experience. I don't think the funky red and green explosion stripes are enough on the packaging here-- I suggest Wrigley get some bubble letters on this pack, slap a sunglasses-wearing cartoon apple dude on there, and sell this stuff on the playground, where it belongs.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Trident Vitality Awaken

Taste: The box says "A peppy peppermint with a dash of ginseng," and it's a peppy peppermint, indeed. You get the initial blast of freshness you do with most pellet gums, especially those with a liquid center, and when the candy shell dissolves you're left with a soft mint that's easy on the taste buds and sinuses.

Texture: Sub-par. It starts off nice, with a tiny burst of goo in the middle, and then just goes downhill. It gets way too soft, way too fast. I suppose some might like this kind of softness, but it's really stringy and sticky. There'll be no cracking, snapping or popping with this gum.

Presentation: I don't know what's going on here. It's your average pellet pack, placed inside a fancy-looking box. Why? It seems like overkill. It's also kind of annoying. Traditionally, pellet packs are in cardboard sleeves, so you can push the pack out from one end so that it pops out the other. With this box, it's only open on one end, so there's nowhere to push the pellet pack out from. You have to either shake it, or get a little fingernail's grip on the pack to pull it out. The whole thing seems really unnecessary, and kinda pretentious to me. The graphics themselves are nice, a metallic silver with a simple dew-speckled peppermint leaf, but I think it would have been just as effective on your standard pellet pack sleeve. (ETA: I found an article that said one of the purposes of the box was so that the pellet pack wouldn't fall out. Has anyone ever had an issue with pellet packs falling out of their sleeves? I haven't... and we all know how much gum I chew.)

Overall: Move over Extra Dessert Delights, Trident Vitality has caught the attention of the Gum World. Everyone's talking about it. However, in the opinion of this Gum Girl, the "Latest and Greatest" falls short. In the interest of science, I popped a piece of "Awaken" on this fine Monday morning as I got into the car to drive to work, before drinking my coffee. I arrived at my job still as tired and dragging as I would any other Monday morning. It's a Gum Gimmick, pure and simple. Much like Stride Shift, and 5 React, there's really nothing special about Trident Vitality. They just like to make you think there is.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Wrigley's 5 Prism

Flavor: Katie knows that when it comes to watermelon, I'm much more of a fan of artificial watermelon flavor (a Jolly Rancher is the perfect example of this) than an actual watermelon. I actually don't like actual watermelon very much at all. The new 5 flavor, Prism, is billed as "...an electric watermelon." And I have to say, that of all the artificial watermelons I've tasted, this one comes the closest to natural watermelon flavor. Right there it's got one subjective strike against it. Then it gets weird. The "electric" part of this gum is actually palatable. It's another one of those scary-gum-chemical-reactions that you can feel going on in your mouth that makes you wonder exactly what kind of phenylketonurics they've got going on here. There's a definite tingle in the chew - a quasi-carbonation, sort of a peppery tingle. If you leave the wad in the same spot in your mouth for too long it actually kind of burns. Very disconcerting, and just plain weird.

Texture: Nothing too interesting to say here. It starts off a bit too soft for my tastes but after a few minutes it firms up nicely.

Presentation: I've always been a fan of the 5 graphics, and this is no differently. Love the sleek black ribbed cardstock with the bright, almost tie-dyed color splashes. The matching foil is always pleasing to the eye.

Overall: As usual, I gasped with excitement when I saw a new gum in the checkout line today, and swooped it right up. I was super stoked that 5 had gone back to its roots after all the "React" shenanigans they've toyed us with recently. Unfortunately, this gum disappoints. Normally you can trust that 5 will be a worthy chew no matter what the flavor, but I'd probably stick to Extra Fruit Sensations Sweet Watermelon if I wanted a watermelony chew.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Starbucks Sugar-Free Chewing Gum - Peppermint

Flavor: You'd think that Starbucks, a company known for selling a product that's notorious for causing nasty breath, would make a gum with an Altoids-like "pop" to it. Not the case with this gum. It's a very mellow mint, and the flavor fades really fast. The package proclaims a "cool burst of minty freshness," but there is no burst at all. It doesn't taste bad, just... blah.

Texture: This gum is really weird. First off, it looks like mints. It's like someone accidentally spilled some gum base pellets into the breath mint hopper, and some warehouse dude was like "Let's see what happens..." and this gum was born. It reminds me a lot of Razzles, except for grownups. It starts off really chalky and eventually does congeal, but the wad that's left is really waxy. There will be no cracking or popping with this gum - it's seriously like wax lips.

Presentation: Nice job by Starbucks here. This gum is presented neatly in a little slide-top metal tin, and all the little gum-mints are lined up inside. It's almost like they could have added a special graphic or something and put a marketing spin on it, "Collect all four!" or something.

Overall: The only time I can see anyone buying this gum is on a severe impulse or desperation, much like my co-worker did. She ate some Mexican food for lunch and stopped for a cup of coffee on her way back to work, and realized that her carnitas were funking up her breath, so she picked up the pack in Starbucks. I certainly don't see this as anyone's favorite gum, or even anyone making a special trip to Starbucks to pick it up. As pretty as it looks, it's not a great gum.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Trident Splash Pucker Me Berry

Flavor: It's hard not to compare this to the phenomenal Orbit Mist Raspberry Lemon Dew,

because everything about that gum is just right, and it set the standard for "lemonade" in my brain. That being said, this gum is dull, dull, dull. With a name like "Pucker Me Berry" I expect at least some tartness, but even at first bite there's little else but sweetness, and a vague sweetness at that. There's a liquid goo center that I suppose could be classified as tart, but it fades away too quickly to qualify for a featured headline. The package features strawberry and raspberry, but I don't taste either fruit very strongly. All that being said, it's not a bad flavor.

Texture: We open with our standard pellet candy shell crunch, followed by a period of about 5 minutes of "This is waaaaay too soft." It takes a good while for the gum to mature into anything that has any substance to it, and even then, it remains pretty sticky, and has a tendency to cling to your teeth and lips if you attempt to blow a bubble.

Presentation: It's nothing we haven't seen before, but it is worth noting that this is the first time I've seen this incarnation of Trident Splash - previously, the Trident Splash logo was centered and large on the front of the package, with the fruit/ice cream/starlight mint graphics hiding behind. It doesn't make all that much difference aesthetically, since from the get-go Trident Splash has always had one of the busier packagings, almost obnoxiously so. This is a tween's gum, for kids who have outgrown Big League Chew-stuffing contests, but are too young to carry a minimalist-looking Orbit around.

Overall: Eh, it's alright. If I was 12 years old, this would get 4 gumballs, solid. But I'm not 12 years old, I'm 31 (at least for another week,) and this flavor just doesn't cut it with me. It's a blister pack full of empty promises.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Stride Shift Citrus + Mint

Presentation: This is truly a revolutionary idea, and it's pretty straight forward: orange then green. They call it Citrus + Mint, and they're going for something more than just Citrus Mint like Orbit and other competitors. This gum is a shape shifter. They attempted to actually combine the two most basic gum characteristics together in one gum: minty and fruity. The package itself is nicely designed, but much like the flavors, the orange and the green just don't seem to mesh together well. Something about this color and taste combination just... doesn't sit right with me. It screams "Nickelodeon would endorse this, and not because it tastes good."

Flavor: To me, this gum raises a really philosophical question: can mint and fruit live together in harmony in a single piece of gumz? It worked with peanut butter and chocolate sharing a cup, after all. But here, I'm going to have to be a negative Nancy and say that no, I'm sorry mint and citrus, however much I love the both of you, I just can't see you two together. There's a reason why citrus-mint flavors in the past never really tasted like mint. It's gross. Brushing your teeth and eating an orange is gross. Putting a nice piece of orange gum in your mouth and having it "shift" to a mint (with that hint of orange lingering through the entire chew) is also gross. It's not terrible, don't get me wrong-- it could have been a lot worse, but it's been actually physically difficult to keep it in my mouth long enough to write this review.

Texture: The texture is solid (as Stride usually is), a nice chew that it doesn't get too hard or mushy at any point. But there's this horrible lasting film that produces in your mouth and that lingers for about an hour and a half after you take it out of your mouth-- a cold, persistent film that's worse than any sugar crud on your teeth after a piece of Hubba Bubba. It begs the question-- what kind of chemicals are in this hunk of sensation? What did I just put in my mouth? Between that and the sores that Stride leaves on my tongue, this gum makes me think about giving up artificial sweeteners altogether.

Overall: In my humble opinion, Citrus and Mint are like so many American couples out there today-- they're great on their own, but they just don't belong together. It was worth a shot, though and hey, we'll always have the memories.

Rating: oo two gumballs

Trident Strawberry Fusion

Flavor: From what I can tell, this is one of two flavors of the Fusion variety, which leads me to believe that this may have been a Trident experiment of sorts. From the get go, this gum is trying way too hard. "Fuse it Up! Chew the sweet pieces with the sour pieces and you've created a FUSION of FLAVOR that's all your own!" Have I missed something here? What's "all my own" about doing exactly what they tell me to do? The gimmick is that there are two gums in one pack-- one sweet, and one sour, and when combined, the result is a perfect (and somehow personalized) super-gum. What is really is, however, is half a pack of pretty good strawberry gum and half a pack of the same gum only really dull and crappy. When combined, the flavor is just the "sour" gum after you've chewed it a while. The packaging itself is even misleading, as the "sweet" and "sour" designations appear on either side of the pack, but are paired with arrows that point to the opposite side of the pack. How am I supposed to know that pink indicates sour and red indicates sweet? It's just not intuitive. I have to say the sour gum is pretty tasty, but this whole Fusion thing only means you get half a pack less of the good stuff for your money.

Texture: One piece is tough all the way through, and doesn't pack much crunch for a pellet shell. When you add a second piece, it doesn't blow your mind away with lightning bolt fusion power, it just... gets tougher. It's a big wad of tough, squeaky gum.

Overall: A swing and a miss Trident, I'm sorry. I think the real error here is the target audience-- Trident pellets are not traditionally appealing to kids, but this kind of gimmick is definitely targeted toward them. If it's an effort to drum up some younger interest, I give this outstanding sugar-free gum producer credit for that, but it's really just not working. Kids don't want anything to do with a gum that touts "Cleans teeth" alongside "FUSE IT UP!" And adults want a quality product, a real solid strawberry candy-tasting gum, not this weird game in which, invariably, all chewers wind up being losers.
Rating: oo two gumballs

Trident Bubblegum

Flavor: Basic bubblegum. Trident doesn't do anything too fancy here like some of the other new bubblegums... there's no tang, no sour-to-sweet, it's as basic as basic gets. Think Bazooka Joe.

Texture: When I get a gum with a texture this bad I often wonder if I happened to pick up a stale pack. On first bite, it's really hard, and it takes quite a while to soften up to a chewable consistency. And from there, it remains hard. I think any respectable bubblegum should be soft and malleable from the get-go, and stay that way for at least 20 minutes. A bubblegum that doesn't easily lend itself to bubbles is hardly a bubblegum at all.

Overall: Other than the fact that this might as well be a chewing gum, it's alright. Certainly nothing to write home about. There are far better bubblegums out there.
Rating: oo (two gumballs)

International Spotlight - Thrills Gum

Flavor: The packaging of this Canadian gum boasts "It still tastes like soap!" and yes, yes. It certainly does taste like soap. However-- it's not terrible. The flavor is hard to describe, somewhere between a Choward's Violet, a Clove, and black licorice. We were requested to review this gum some time ago, and just got our hands on some as Christmas gifts (thanks Sandy!), and to be honest I'd been dreading doing the review. I can't say that this is my new favorite or anything, but I certainly can see it being an acquired taste. Downside is that the flavor fades really quickly - really quickly.

Texture: Here's where it all goes downhill. I don't know if we got stale packs or something, but it starts off way too hard and it stays way too hard. Too hard to chew for any length of time, if even at all. It's like the gumballs in the little machines at the supermarket that you begged your mom for a quarter to buy when you were 7 years old, only to find yourself at the dentist the next day because you cracked a molar. Not a good texture at all. It's a pellet gum so there is a candy shell, but the rest of the gum is so hard it might as well all be the same makeup.

Overall: This was a fun gum to review if only for the anticipation and the novelty of it. If I were Canadian I certainly wouldn't buy and try this again, but as a Gum Girl by trade it was absolutely worth the chew. I thank our friend for requesting this gum, and Sandy for seeking this out and picking up a couple packs for us. The gum itself really probably only deserves 1 gumball, but the "It still tastes like soap!" on the packaging made me smile enough to throw an extra one in there.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Trident Wintergreen

Flavor: At first, this gum had a lot of potential, reminiscent of Necco Canada Mints, or Wintergreen Tic Tacs, a nice mellow and subtly sweet mint. But it quickly devolved into your ordinary, run-of-the-line mint flavor, subpar especially for a brand as tried and true as Trident. My roommate described it best after the initial bite, as “a wash of aspartame in my saliva.” His face whilst describing the aftertaste spoke volumes of yuck.

Texture: Here's where Trident really falls short. It's too hard at first, way too chewy, and it quickly is mushed with this rush of cold saliva. I'm not sure what causes it-- to me, it's as if it forms a foam in my mouth, although others didn't agree. The longer you chew, the more foamy it gets, but it does stay rubbery at the core. It's just a sloppy mess in your mouth.

Overall: Blech. I'll have mercy for the initial zing, but this one really falls short. At least chewing Trident helps fight cavities.

Rating: oo two gumballs

Sugar Free Fruit Stripe

Flavor: Yikes! Stripes! Fruit Stripe Gum! In new Sugar Free Fruit Stripes, there are five flavors: Wet N' Wild Melon, Cherry, Lemon, Orange, and Peach Smash. I don't know what's so special about Melon and Peach that they deserve descriptive adjectives, but whatever. In an effort to get rid of this gum sooner, I'll review all five flavors here, despite the fact that this high of a dose of Aspartame in one sitting may give me cancer. (PHENYLKETONURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE.)

Wet N' Wild Melon: This is the Green-wrapped stick in the pack. I don't know which of the other flavors would be green... so I'm assuming it's supposed to be melon. Starts off with a tart blast and fades into a nice sweet-tart flavor. However -- I don't really taste much melon at all. Fades to nothing very quickly.

Lemon: The yellow-wrapped stick actually tastes like lemon. A really nice lemon, in fact! Lemon isn't a flavor often seen in sugarless gum, so I was pleasantly surprized by this. It tastes a lot like Country Time Lemonade, and it's actually hard to beleive that this lemon is sugarless. Also fades quickly.

Orange: Again, great orange flavor from the get-go that doesn't at all taste sugarfree. This could be a cube of Hubba Bubba. It's great. Fades fast (notice a pattern here?)

Peach Smash: The stick itself is blue and yellow. Why? It's an adequate peach, but certainly not as fantastic as the Lemon or Orange. This one fades away to nothing much faster than either of those two, as well. Not one of the better flavors in the pack.

Cherry: Decent news for our cherry-loving gum friend out there - this cherry is pretty darn good at the get-go. None of that horrible mentholy cherry we've seen in other cherry sugarfree gums. Fruit Stripe got this one spot-on, but unfortunately the quick-fade and the 4 other flavors in the do not warrant a purchase of this if all you're looking for is cherry. Look elsewhere.

Texture: This is where Fruit Stripes loses me entirely. The texture of this gum is absolutely horrible. It starts off bad and gets worse, eventually resembling the feeling of chewing those horrible tasteless Halloween was lips, or what was leftover after you sucked the juice out of those little bottle-shaped wax things. You can't blow bubbles or crack it in any way - if you try to spread it out over your tongue it thins out into an indistinguishable web of grossness. If it held its own texture-wise, this gum could have been great.

Overall: Texture completely ruins it, but one positive thing about this gum is that every wrapper has a temporary tattoo on it. Bonus! Having just chewed 5 pieces of this gum for this review, my desk is now strewn with little multi-colored Zebras playing sports. If I wasn't wearing a short-sleeved shirt and/or didn't work for a company whose mascot IS a Zebra, I'd be proudly wearing a sleeve of Zebra tattoos, because I am 5 years old and that would be awesome. So while the texture of the gum negates any positives in the flavor column, the addition of the tattoos on the wrapper adds the extra gumball to the rating.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Stride Uber Bubble

Flavor: Stride Uber Bubble is a nice bubblegum, but that's about as far as it goes. As I've mentioned in past reviews, Katie and I are on an ongoing quest for a gum as good as our long-gone all-time favorite, Extra Original Bubble. Uber Bubble teases you with tanginess, makes you think that it's going to give you a hint of semi-sour, but it just levels out to be your plain old bubblegum. Like I said - it's nice, but I don't see what's so special about this bubble that they felt fit to call it "Uber."

Texture: It's definitely chewable, albeit a little bit too firm for my taste. From a bubblegum, I expect more blow-friendly pliablility to maximize bubbles.

Overall: There's something wrong with this gum. I have meant to review it sooner, but every pack I bought has gone bad somehow. Once the protective plastic is removed from the packaging, you have a period of about two weeks to chew it. (Which, probably, is not a problem for most chewers, but I as a Gum Girl always have no fewer than 5 packs of gum with me at all time.) After a couple weeks, the gum turns like... wet? It gets all sticky and disgusting in the packaging and is completely inedible. It happened to three packs of Uber Bubble I have bought, and if this didn't happen it would have rated at least a 3, but most likely a 4. This weird problem aside, it's one of the better tasting bubblegums on the market right now.
Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Extra Fruit Sensations Berry Smoothie

Flavor: I gotta give it to Wrigley, they hit spot-on with this one. The flavor is just awesome. It starts out with a creamy berry texture, and with continued chewing, the creaminess fades a bit and you're hit with a tart blast of tangy berry. It's quite delicious, and I can imagine the right mix of berries and cream tasting exactly like this. I have to admit, though, that it would probably almost be considered too sweet for some - I definitely couldn't see chewing this gum on any regular basis, nor it is functional to freshen the breath. It's just too much.

Texture: Here's where it falls apart, literally. It starts off well and stays pleasant for a short time - Firm, softening into a pleasant malleable wad. At around the 10-15 minute mark the gum starts to lose any semblance of cohesion. It gets very tacky and starts sticking to your teeth and turning mushy. If I didn't just spit out the piece I was chewing, it would have triggered my gag reflex. Of course, being Extra, the flavor lasts through this metamorphosis, but the gum itself becomes unchewable so really, what's the point?

Overall: Nice try, Wrigley's. While the ROI on your R & D dollars is paying off in terms of flavor, how about next time you invest some funds into making sure the gum doesn't turn into an amoebic lump of plasma, as well? I recommend buying this gum once to try - or better yet, splitting the cost of a pack with a friend. I think one, two sticks at most of this gum will be enough for anyone to experience the novelty of smoothie-in-gum-form, and the rest of the pack will inevitably go to waste.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Beeman's Chewing Gum

Flavor: I feel like a film critic reviewing Gone With the Wind. Can it be done? Can I make an unbiased judgement on a gum marketed specifically for being a revived classic? Of course I can. Originally invented by Dr. Edward E. Beeman in the late 19th century, the gum was made of pepsin powder and chicle, and was intended to aid to digestion. To be fair, let me just remind the reader that these ingredients are nowhere to be found in this modern concoction. That said, it initially smells and tastes sweet and minty, reminiscent of Canada Mints, of which I am a huge fan. But the flavor fades quickly and leaves that nasty sugar aftertaste-while-chewing that makes you reach for a piece of Trident or a toothbrush.

Texture: It's a decent gum, I imagine a definite upgrade from chicle and pepsin, although it's not done much for my rumbling stomach. It was surprisingly soft and the stick itself a lot more malleable than I expected-- I'd thought it would crumble like many other sugar variety sticks. It gets tough quick though, so enjoy it while it lasts.

Overall: In all fairness, this is not the original Beeman's, and I imagine there are some folks out there who remember the original taste and can vouch that this Frankenstein revival doesn't compare at all. (Although, I imagine Dr. Beeman's first followers might be sticking to Freedent, you know, for the dentures.) I won't be buying this again, but maybe someone who remembers original Beeman's might be able to shed some light on the subject and pursuade me to up the rating for reasons of nostalgia or reverence.

Rating:oo two gumballs

Trident Layers Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus

This review is sponsored by our friends at Trident!

Texture: I'm deviating from the format here and doing texture first. This was an exciting New Gum for Katie and I. When I first saw it in Target, I picked up both of the available flavors.

When you open the piece, you'll notice that it;s about twice as thick as normal Trident gums. It's got three layers - a hot pink sticky substance sandwiched in between two gum-layers. The middle layer obviously isn't gum, but a sugarless "sugary" candy goo designed for a flavor punch. It actually is so gooey that it sticks to the wrapper a bit, leaving a pink line on the wrapper.

At first, it's a nice chew. A little firm at first but it quickly softens into a pleasant malleability. Unfortunately, it just as quickly degrades into an overly tacky wad that sticks to the teeth, and then loses cohesion and becomes way too soft.

Flavor: The middle "goo layer" provides a citrusy blast on first chew, and it fades into a nice strawberry-citrus medley that lasts a decent amout of time. Although it's not a huge complaint, the artificial sweetener taste is strong in this one.

Overall: Trident Layers Wild Strawberry + Wild Citrus was a bit of a disappointment. The sleek packaging and the stealthy launch of the new line (it's still not on the Trident website) was worth a lot more than the gum ended up being in the end. Overall, I think this is a gimmicky gum, worth a chew for novelty's sake but I definitely can't see this being anyone's favorite.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

***See our review of Trident Layers Green Apple + Golden Pineapple here!***

Nicorette® 2mg – Fruit Chill

There used to be a review here, but for reasons better left unsaid, it's not here anymore.
We'd love if any brave quitters would write us a guest review of any flavor of Nicorette gum!
E-mail us at gumgirls@gmail.com and let us know if you're interested!