Merry and Happy Everything!

Lucky Lights Bubble Gum

Presentation: I've decided that the presentation of this gum takes precedence over its other properties, as it is presented to children as a fairly realistic looking pack of cigarettes. I seem to remember candy cigarettes changing their appearance to be less realistic, sort of like the orange tip on toy guns. I also was surprised to find bubble gum cigarettes, as I remember Lucky Lights as chalky sugar sticks that dissolved all too quickly in your mouth. Alas, these bubble gum cigarettes taste nothing like the familiar candy sticks of days gone by. But boy, are they more realistic looking. I wouldn't be pleased if my niece walked in the room with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, brown filter and all (that is, of course, when she's out of diapers). "Oh no, Aunt Katie, it's only bubblegum!" Then we'd have to have a big stupid talk about why smoking is bad and chewing gum is good and never the twain shall meet. I digress.

Flavor: This gum is gross. It doesn't even taste like bubblegum. It's too sweet, and what little flavor it has fades almost immediately. I'd venture to say it tastes more like a cigarette than a piece of bubblegum.

Texture: Even worse. It hardened up before it even crumbled. The emphasis here was obviously on the presentation, and the makers of this gum felt that flavor and texture needn't be addressed when marketing such a self-selling, sure-thing gum like this. I mean come on, kids, smoking is cool, right?

Overall: Wrong. Boo hiss, Lucky Lights. Now I'm sure this isn't going to get kids to run out to the store and try to buy a pack of real cigs, and I'm sure it's really fun for a kid to pretend to smoke a pack (hey, I ate plenty of candy smokes in my day), but I don't think kids think smoking is all that cool anymore. It stinks, both literally and figuratively. I think the fact that I could only find this gum in a candy shop in Time Square (and a stale pack at that) is a testament to the fact that kids aren't really eating these things up anymore, and that's a good thing. Now if you ask me, I think this gum does have a chance, if only a slim one, at remaining on the market in time for my niece to actually show an interest in gum (oh, they grow up so fast...). And that's if Nicorette steps up to the plate, throws some actual Nicotine in these things, and markets them to adults who actually would care for a smoke, but know they probably shouldn't anymore.

Rating: oo (two gumballs)

Bubblicious Grape

Flavor: Katie and I have been known to have quite lengthy discussions on our opinions of artificial vs. natural flavors. My opinions on grape are clear: Artificial grape is the bomb, yo, and it doesn't get any better than grape sugared bubblegum. While I think Bubblicious could have upped the tartness a bit, it's a worthy grape, indeed. Fades quickly, but that's to be expected in this genre.

Texture: The meaty purple cube is just perfect, never too hard or too soft, and the bubbles are phenomenal. I couldn't ask for more.

Presentation: You know, with all the changes in the Gum Packaging world, from the near extinction of the 25-cent packs, to the Plen-T-Pack/Slim Pack evolution, you gotta kind of appreciate the consistency in sugared bubblegums like Bubblicious and Hubba Bubba. The presentation is exactly the same as when I was a kid: a 5-piece pack with the little pull-tab. It's a familar comfort. The graphics are simple yet eye-catching, featuring bright colors and the trendy "swirls" that the iPod generation seems to be so fond of.

Overall: Some gums are just hard to review, and this is one of them. It's just such a timeless classic. When you pick up a pack of Bubblicious Grape, you know what you're getting. You're not "trying it," there are no surprizes or mysteries... it's just a good gum.

Rating: ooooo (five gumballs)

Big Red

Flavor: “No little gum freshens breath longer than Big Red.” I just spent the better part of an hour watching old Big Red commercials on You Tube, and although I enjoyed every second of it, I have to admit that I never did understand the marketing plan for Big Red. Cinnamon gum isn’t refreshing, it’s sort of the opposite of that. Like the candy red hots, this gum produces a heat in your mouth (that does, admittedly, "go on and on while you chew it.") But I’m not sure I’d be so inclined to lock lips with somebody who’d been chewing it with the kind of passion portrayed in these commercials. In fact, when someone’s chewing Big Red, you can smell it across the room, and your general reaction isn’t, “My, what fresh breath that stallion has! I want to kiss him for a long, long time,” but rather, “Oh god, that guy’s chewing Big Red, I can smell it all the way over here.” But I don't care; those commercials are timeless and I don’t fault them for filming dozens of cheesy scenarios based on that simple jingle.

Texture: Based on the commercials, you’ll be too busy frenching somebody to ever actually chew a piece of Big Red. It’s a good piece of gum, texture-wise, a lot to chew and doesn’t toughen up. It produces an unpleasant foamy saliva in my mouth, but I think that might be the sugar combined with the heat, to which I’m a little sensitive.

Presentation: This new fangled “slim pack,” to me, is just as disoncerting as the new take on the Big Red commercial (more on that later). These packs used to be five for a quarter. Sure, now the packs are big and flashy and fit in your back pocket, but they used to fit in your front pocket. If you ask me, if it aint broke, don’t fix it.


Overall: I wasn’t kidding when I said I really enjoyed watching all the Big Red videos. I counted: at least five guys so caught up in kissing that they missed a car ride as it pulled away (and another two that missed a boat-- not to mention two who actually missed their queue in a parade), a pair of kids necking in a photobooth, another couple through a window while her parents were asleep, a pair posing for a sculptor, some campers, a racecar driver, a politician, a couple in a medieval theatre troop, a football player (who misses his bus), and a bride and groom, just to name a few. Let’s face it-- Big Red makes everybody all hot and bothered! The commercials are simultaneously wholesome and scandalous. I was going to hyperlink every commercial that I just referenced, but the whole dang paragraph would be blue.

It just attests to the fact that Big Red has sold gum for decades using the same old nostalgic, formulaic commercial again and again. Why did they trade it in for a singer juggling a pack of CGI gum? In fact, the initial concept was such a successful commercial, that the behemoth Verizon changed the lyrics and made their own version. Even if it was a spoof, Verizon recognized the power of the Big Red spot and capitalized on it. That's thinking like a major corporation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make out endlessly with my boyfriend in a phone booth in the rain, or something equally surprising and ironic. 



Rating: ooooo (five gumballs)

Think Gum

This review is sponsored by our friends at Think Gum!

Flavor: You can definitely tell that this is an herbal-infused gum. While not as offensive to the sense as Eclipse Breeze's cardamom flavor, the herbs in this gum at the forefront. It's not completely foul, but I wouldn't call it a delicious chew. Certainly not something I'd reach for to freshen the breath, but I don't think you're supposed to.

Texture: It's a pellet gum, but doesn't really have any candy shell crunch to speak of. The chew itself is firm enough, not too annoyingly soft.

Presentation: Nothing too special here. A cute little light buld graphic and brand logo on a stark white background. Standard punch-through-the-foul pellet gum presentation.

Overall: Since this is supposed to be a "Brain-Boosting" gum, I decided to do a little experiment. The back of the pack states, "Think Gum contains Gingko Biloba, Bacopa, Guarana, Vinpocetine, Rosemary & Peppermint. Together these brain-boosting herbal ingredients are proven to enhance concentration & improve memory." It goes on, "For best results, chew while learning or studying & again to recall information." My personal annoyance at the overuse of ampersands aside (personal pet peeve, sorry Think), I thought that it would be interesting to use the product as directed. I wrote down the 6 above brain-boosting ingredients, and studied them for a few minutes while chewing the gum. I spit out the gum and threw out the paper, and went about my morning. Three hours later, I popped 2 more pieces of the gum and attempted to recall the ingredients. Out of the 6, I recalled 4 correctly, misspelled 1 (Bacoba, as opposed Bacopa.) and I missed 1 entirely (Vinpocetine.) So, I dunno. Maybe I should have studied longer or perhaps chewed for a longer period before studying/recalling, but I expected a better results. I guess it's a cute novelty product, and if I were still in college, I'd be all over this. Worth a try when cramming for finals!

Rating: ooo (three gumballs)

Bubbaloo Strawberry

This review is sponsored by our friends at BestCandyStore.com!

Flavor: Shannon gave me a bag of different kind of gums to sample, and I accidentally left it in my purse and brought it to work with me. The strawberry scent that permeated through the plastic bag was so strong that I was actually embarrassed someone would say something about it while chatting in my office. If it were a perfume, it would come with a doll sold in the pink aisle of the toy store. As a gum, the flavor is your standard sugary strawberry. Overall, the flavor works, but the smell does not-- as I chew it right now, my boyfriend said, unprovoked from across the room, "That stuff smells disgusting." The flavor fades pretty quickly, too.

Texture: As opposed to Shannon's review of Bubbaloo Bubble Gum, the goo in this gum is quite pleasant. After about five minutes of chewing, however, the piece is disappointingly small, lending itself to tiny, unsatisfying bubbles.

Presentation: This is another gum that seems to only be available in those big candy jugs for ten cents a piece in fun stores like Five Below. Since this gum is just ok, I think that throwing it in with a handful of other juice-filled flavors would definitely be the way to enjoy it, and so it works, for what it is.

Overall: I wouldn't recommend this flavor to adults, unless you're looking to really annoy a whole bunch of people in a staff meeting. As far as kids go, go on and throw a couple pieces in with your basket of goodies the next time you find yourself in a cool candy store.

Rating: ooo (three gumballs)

Razzles

Flavor: Oh, Razzles. "First it's Candy... Then it's Gum!" Razzles are one of those gums, like Juicy Fruit, that is going to be very hard to categorize. They're just Razzles, you know? Did you know that the red is supposed to be Rasbperry, not Cherry? I didn't... and now that I know? I still kinda don't. I don't think that the target audience of Razzles really pays attention to the flavor, though. In the interest of science, I'll describe it thusly: Razzles are vaguely fruit-flavored, and incredibly sweet. Flavor fades in a record-breaking quickness.

Texture: The texture is what Razzles is all about. They're an anomaly of the gum and candy universe, and I still don't know how they do it. If you've never eaten a Razzle before, you're really missing out. On first bite, they crumble in the mouth not unlike an antacid tablet, and just before your throat gets ready to instinctively swallow the chalkiness, it begins to congeal, and you're left with a wad of gum. It's pretty amazing if you've never experienced it before, and fantastically nostalgic if it's been a while since you've had them. Also? It's disgusting.

Presentation: A few months ago, I bought a packet of these in the drug store to review, but I ate them all before I got the chance to. Luckily a very special Gum Alert reader sent us a pack she found in her local store, packaged for what looks like Halloween. In both cases, a blue "sunburst" is the backdrop for a large, playful Razzles logo, and some computer-generated renditions of Razzles pieces. It's simple, yet eye-catching. No eleven year-old could possibly resist it.

Overall: Razzles is one of those gums that's so special, so near and dear, that it's impossible to not give it five gumballs; It would just be wrong. So, despite the horridness of texture, the sickeningly sugar-sweetness, Razzles earns a place in our coveted five-gumball elite. (And special thanks to Aunt Ann for making this review possible.)

Rating: ooooo (five gumballs)